Southern Kerala’s two main beach resorts are Varkala and Kovalam. As we were looking forward to a few days of sun, sea and sand we decided to incorporate both into our trip.
We firstly headed to Varkala which was said to be more backpacker orientated, however when we arrived we found it to be a lot more developed than we thought it would be, with many shops, bars and restaurants lining the cliff overlooking the sea.
One thing we couldn’t fail to miss was the number of hotels and spas offering Ayurveda treatments. Neither of us had heard of this before, so after gathering a few leaflets and doing a bit of research online we found out that it was a well-established holistic therapy which originated in India.
Many of the treatments focus on the use of oil, poured over and into the body, one even involves injecting fluid into the anus or vagina! Other strange procedures include bloodletting and purging. The variety of treatments on offer claim to be able to cure almost all ailments, although we were sceptical, we were willing to try one of the less extreme options called Sirodhara. This involves having medicated oil poured onto the forehead, although we doubted it would cure neurological disorders and insomnia, as it claimed, it did look relaxing.
We negotiated a deal were we both got a full body oil massage followed by the Sirodhara treatment. As we went off into our separate treatment rooms I was followed in by a lady who passed me a small paper thong and told me to get changed. This left little to the imagination but as I lay face down on the bed, listening to the soft music I began to relax. After several minutes of bum rubbing followed by some breast fondling I did start to question if what this woman was doing to me was actually legal. I had to supress a laugh thinking about Karl in the next room with the creepy, moustached Indian man.
Once suitably lubricated the lady then moved onto heating some oil on a gas burner for the Sirodhara. As I smelt burning I became only too aware of how flammable I was. Thankfully the oil wasn’t heated too much as it was took off the burner and placed into a metal jar over my head which allowed a small amount to continuously flow out. This actually felt quite nice for the first few minutes but after a while I felt overwhelmingly hot and was keen for it to end so I could have a shower.
I left glowing, with the oil that just wouldn’t wash off, and waited for Karl to finish his treatment. When he emerged I could see from his face that he wasn’t impressed. In fact, his comments went something like this..
“Lying naked with your bare bum exposed, covered in oil, while a man with a moustache rubs you up and down paying far too much attention to your arse cheeks, is not my kind of fun. What makes it worse is I was supressing the urge to fart last night’s curry on his worn and sandpaper like hands. He then proceeded to pour warm oil onto my forehead for half an hour while I lay there with a see-though piece of toilet paper covering my dignity, all the while wondering what kind of moron pays for this shit.. oh yeah.. me! Never again will I listen to Leanne.”
Overall, it was a new experience, but one which left us feeling slightly violated. I doubt we will be trying Ayurveda again anytime soon.
The rest of our time on the beach was a lot more relaxing and after a few days we moved further south to Kovalam. There are a few larger hotels and resort close to the beach but it was still a relatively small and chilled out place with a picturesque lighthouse to accompany the sea view.
Feeling revitalised we were now ready to move onto the livelier paced city of Travandrum.
